How I Fixed The Gong - by Ian Nicholson

[EonPeon]

Hi Everyone,

Well, my gong didn't work. All the readings of the manual telling me how the gong would warn me of all manner of things left me feeling empty, worthless and alone.

All my friends on bimmer.info had working gongs - and loved them. For me, the sound of silence announced the Check Control display. I could only look on with weary eyes and wonder what angel's song could possibly accompany the sheer poetry of "LIMIT 50Km/h".

Alas, I was doomed never to hear the dulcet tone of the BMW E34 5 series gong... or was I?

At once, in a fit of determined outrage I clutched my electric screwdriver and launched myself at the unsuspecting screws that held the panel between the pedals and my steering wheel closely cosseted to the bosom of my Five.

Each fell and surrendered themselves as dull thuds to the footwell carpet.

Soon, and with great trepidation, I gently peeled the panel away. Blinking in the dark I reached for the glovebox torch, and in its pearly light I caught a glimpse of my prize. For there, mummified among the soundproof padding in all it's revealed magnificence was... the BMW gong.

I gently pinched the clips that held it fast in the panel, and plucked the leads such that it dropped as would a ripened fruit into my hands.

Back inside, I pondered this sonic sarcophagus and laid my plans to reveal its contents. Prising each of the four sprung fasteners in turn, I pushed a strip from some forgotten blister back to hold them back. Teasing the top of the Gong out into the light revealed the marvel of modern electronics that BMW themselves demanded a handsome purse of AU$225 to replace.

But there, below, was the source of my scourge. A scurrilously cheap 50mm speaker, cunningly deployed when the rest of the world uses 57mm speakers in their computers and the like. The cruelty! A quick continuity check confirmed my fears, this cancerous component was the source of my misery.

Hunting the malls of the world wide web I found my answer - a 2-inch wide range speaker from Jaycar:-

http://www.jaycar.com.au/productView.asp?ID=AS3020&CATID=15&keywords=&SPECIAL=&form=CAT&ProdCodeOnly=&Keyword1=&Keyword2=&pageNumber=&priceMin=&priceMax=&SUBCATID=609

With my trusty tinsnips, I cut more corners off my speaker than BMW did theirs.

And lo, the speaker fit, and it was good. Freshly partnered to the ancient circuit board with honest solder I quickly reassembled the unit.

Rushing back to my eagerly-awaiting Five I inserted the cables and...

"Bing..." - "LIGHTS ON?"

A tear sprung in my eye...

"Bing...!" - "LIGHTS ON?"

I wanted more. In went the key and the 3.0 litre V8 roared into life! Like a giddy schoolboy I punched the LIMIT button and entered 50km/h.

Off I flew into the night...

"Bing...!" - "LIMIT 50Km/h"

With tears welling in my eyes I could no longer see and had to stop for fear of crashing....

Now we're together I want us never to be apart. My friends are talking to me once more and now my life is complete... again.




Fin.

[billb]

Hi Everyone,

Well, my gong didn't work. All the readings of the manual telling me how the gong would warn me of all manner of things left me feeling empty, worthless and alone.

All my friends on bimmer.info had working gongs - and loved them. For me, the sound of silence announced the Check Control display. I could only look on with weary eyes and wonder what angel's song could possibly accompany the sheer poetry of "LIMIT 50Km/h".

Alas, I was doomed never to hear the dulcet tone of the BMW E34 5 series gong... or was I?

At once, in a fit of determined outrage I clutched my electric screwdriver and launched myself at the unsuspecting screws that held the panel between the pedals and my steering wheel closely cosseted to the bosom of my Five.

Each fell and surrendered themselves as dull thuds to the footwell carpet.

Soon, and with great trepidation, I gently peeled the panel away. Blinking in the dark I reached for the glovebox torch, and in its pearly light I caught a glimpse of my prize. For there, mummified among the soundproof padding in all it's revealed magnificence was... the BMW gong.

I gently pinched the clips that held it fast in the panel, and plucked the leads such that it dropped as would a ripened fruit into my hands.

Back inside, I pondered this sonic sarcophagus and laid my plans to reveal its contents. Prising each of the four sprung fasteners in turn, I pushed a strip from some forgotten blister back to hold them back. Teasing the top of the Gong out into the light revealed the marvel of modern electronics that BMW themselves demanded a handsome purse of AU$225 to replace.

But there, below, was the source of my scourge. A scurrilously cheap 50mm speaker, cunningly deployed when the rest of the world uses 57mm speakers in their computers and the like. The cruelty! A quick continuity check confirmed my fears, this cancerous component was the source of my misery.

Hunting the malls of the world wide web I found my answer - a 2-inch wide range speaker from Jaycar:-

http://www.jaycar.com.au/productView.asp?ID=AS3020&CATID=15&keywords=&SPECIAL=&form=CAT&ProdCodeOnly=&Keyword1=&Keyword2=&pageNumber=&priceMin=&priceMax=&SUBCATID=609

With my trusty tinsnips, I cut more corners off my speaker than BMW did theirs.

And lo, the speaker fit, and it was good. Freshly partnered to the ancient circuit board with honest solder I quickly reassembled the unit.

Rushing back to my eagerly-awaiting Five I inserted the cables and...

"Bing..." - "LIGHTS ON?"

A tear sprung in my eye...

"Bing...!" - "LIGHTS ON?"

I wanted more. In went the key and the 3.0 litre V8 roared into life! Like a giddy schoolboy I punched the LIMIT button and entered 50km/h.

Off I flew into the night...

"Bing...!" - "LIMIT 50Km/h"

With tears welling in my eyes I could no longer see and had to stop for fear of crashing....

Now we're together I want us never to be apart. My friends are talking to me once more and now my life is complete... again.




Fin.

got 'r done!

[shogun]

he says "BING", shoudn't it be "BONG" ? :p

I hope the Mother of all BONGS will be with you all time ;)

[rps1072]

Very well done.

[dacoyote]

Very well done...

Glad that you got it working.

-Charles

[ukm5]

How many posts have you made regarding that darn gong...who buys things like that from a dealer! all that effort and posts regarding how to fix it when one from a junk jard would be like $5 u probably paid that getting a speaker with postage

[EonPeon]

How many posts have you made regarding that darn gong...who buys things like that from a dealer! all that effort and posts regarding how to fix it when one from a junk jard would be like $5 u probably paid that getting a speaker with postage
Actually, I have a Jaycar nearby. The speaker cost me AU$1.95. (US$ 1??!).

I eventually found a junk yard that had one, and they wanted AU$33. Sydney BMW quoted AU$225!!

The gong does appear to be a part that suffers some inherent unreliability. The actual speaker had blown in mine and being of 50cm in diameter was actually much harder to find than you might think.

My $2 speaker is actually quite high quality, although had to be trimmed with tinsnips to get it into the case. Even then, it was a few millimeters taller than the original and so I put some duct tape on top to insulate it from the circuit board. Since the case would not close properly, I taped the top back on as well. It's all quite secure since it's mounted from the bottom where it plugs into the panel.

I had already ordered the $33 dollar spare because the wrecker had it in stock, and at the time I hadn't gotten around to repairing the gong (and wasn't sure if the speaker was the only problem).

And yes, I apologise for the multiple posts, but people who said had gongs for sale didn't come back to me and I WANTED A BLOODY GONG!

So there you have it. All done now! I'm as happy as a pig in sh*t.

Best regards,



Ian

[G Feller]

A most creative and fun-to-read post, Ian. A perfect example of keeping after the prize until it is won. We can all take a lesson home here, and you obviously keep yourself amused whilst not taking yourself too seriously.

ukm5, congrats on the "******* of the Day" post.


How many posts have you made regarding that darn gong...who buys things like that from a dealer! all that effort and posts regarding how to fix it when one from a junk jard would be like $5 u probably paid that getting a speaker with postage

[uscharalph]

I'm glad it was ukm5 and not me, because I was going to say something but decided not to. When debating this I realized how obsessive I get when trying to work something out on my BMW. It doesn't matter how big or small it is. Hell, you guys would probably think I'm crazy if you saw my To Do List or Parts Wanted List. Enough out of me! Good for you EonPeon

[ukm5]

ukm5, congrats on the "******* of the Day" post.

oh im so upset by that remark, think ill go and eat worms

[Scott C]

Actually, I have a Jaycar nearby. The speaker cost me AU$1.95. (US$ 1??!).

...
Ian


I thorougly enjoyed your writeup! Glad you have BLING?
Scott

[shapetoshoot]

Entertaining write up, look forward to your description of a microfilter replacement.

ukm5, although born under an angry star, does have a point. But then again we all seem to use these cars as hobbies not just transport.

I personally would have gladly done the reverse of this repair when my car still had the brake,lic,dip warning fault!!

The company car I drive bings/bongs/beeps insecently if I dont do this or that at the right time, on the more stressfull days I have to tell it theres a fine line between transport device and a bunch of easily recyclable parts. I suspect it may be hit with something hard very soon.

[Gayle]

Glad and grateful you got your gong going great again.

Your alliteration rocks.

Would you consider penning an Poet's Version of the Bentley Manual?

[Paul in NZ]

<ding> <talented writer and obssesive but typical bimmer info e34 owner in vicinity>
now you got the gong it will scare the crap out of you every time it goes off....

[mattyb]

stop it, ur making me cry now too

[EonPeon]

Mattyb,

Are you having gong issues too?

Please share...



EonPeon

[Steve525]

Thanks for the great write up! It inspired me to have a go at my dead gong, which has never worked in the 4 years I have owned my 92 525. I replaced the speaker with one from a "broken" phone- no idea what rating it was, but what had I to loose? Wired it up , tested with lights left on and JOY , a gong!
I know it will probably drive me mad (as many seem to suggest) but it is worth it for the lights reminder alone - my previous car had this feature and you become very dependent on it when you get used to it!

[EonPeon]

Hi Steve525,

Well done!!

It does of course suggest that the problem with the gongs (there seems to be SO many of them out there that don't work any more) could be in most cases that crappy speaker BMW used.

I replaced my defunct 2" (50mm) 0.5w 8ohm speaker with a more substantial 1.0w 4ohm speaker. Like you, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Congrats on your revitalised gong!




Ian

[Garlic Breath]

Off I flew into the night...

Fin.

Congratulations.
:)

[rickm]

I thought about wiring mine to the speaker system in the car or to the tweeter up in the pillar. Mine quit, not sure if I turned it off when I was monkeying around with it or not. I do recall driving to VA once when the temps were cold, every few minutes I'd get the 37 degree ding along with the ding after I hit a certain speed. I miss it, but I don't.

One thing I wish it WOULD do is constantly ding if you leave your lights on OR the lights in the car would turn off once you turned the ignition off.

[mattyb]

it was just a very happy ending thats all. no gong issues yet but thanx to you and your heart felt experience i know i can face that day with absolute certainty and strengh to carry on thru the muddy waters of true bimmer love, god iwanna call oprah and get u on her show.

[tim s]

i ran my batt. dead twice so far not turning off my lights. Doh!
i connected a smaller speaker for temporary use until i find one, but it is not near as loud.
thanks Ian, your write up gave me the courage to tackle this.
tim s.

[EonPeon]

Hi Tim,

If you can't find a 2" speaker, try searching for a 2" TWEETER! The speaker I bought was sold as this, and yet it's just a 2" speaker.

You might have more success finding it this way.

Good luck!



Ian

[JonE]

Awesome write-up, Ian! I didn't realize that there were so many "gong-challenged" E34 owners out there, you really brought them out, didn't you?
By the way, are you a writer, anyway, you should be!
Good luck with your next challenge, and be sure to "write it up"!

[EonPeon]

Thank you JonE,

Like most people, I have a novel brewing in my head. One day it'll come...

Don't worry, I'll write up the next one although I'm not big into servicing my car myself, I have a great mechanic that doesn't charge too much and he's worked on BMWs for years.

I might have a stab at the microfilter though...!

All the best,



Ian

[EonPeon]

Hi Everyone,

I received the replacement gong I had ordered today and it is quite different from the one I repaired. The one I repaired had a plastic case, two connectors and spring clips moulded on the side to fit it into the footwell panel.

The one I received has a die-cast metal case, THREE connectors and no obvious way to clip it into the footwell panel.

Does anyone know what this extra connector does (my car DOES have the extra wire and connector tied back against the loom and currently unused. It is a single wire and plug. How is this unit supposed to plug into the panel?

Any ideas?!?



Ian

[tim s]

i purchased it at my local electronics part shop.
it is a calrad electronics brand part #20-176.
exact size & no alterations needed.
it has 2w. on the speaker, my original had .5w & it has a plastic cone instead of paper.
$4.50+tax
tim s.

[Zeuk in Oz]

Amen !
Reading your magnificent write-up was almost like a religious experience !
Obsessive/compulsive RULES !!!!!

[EonPeon]

Well done Tim!

Another gong fixed!! Anyone else had luck in changing their speakers?

Ian

[bondheli]

Alright Gore Vidal whats next? Will you ever be truly satisfied?
That tiny rattle of the rear view mirror as you grace over a bump; that slight vibration as you decelerate from 55. Do these not deserve your attention? The gong is only a small part of the problem. What about about that chip in the front fascia that occurred on that jaunty pleasure cruise last may? I have a dream; that one day all of are fellows on bimmer.info will bask in the fact that they have a Perfectly restored Ultimate Driving Machine sitting in their temperature controlled garages just waiting to engage in a some-what sexual driving experience. But will that day come Ian? Will that day come? Will we ever be satisfied?

[EonPeon]

Interesting you mentioned Gore Vidal...

I think I may make a short movie on 'How I Fixed The Gong' in an arthouse style...

Could be a winner at the next TropFest Film Festival!



Ian

[mamilapon]

You're a beaudy mate!!

[EonPeon]

...well I have to do SOMETHING to restore credibility after the 'fuel saver' debacle!



Ian