My Bimmer :D

[BM-BOY]

What do you think?

[uscharalph]

Looked great up until that last picture.

[ukm5]

wheels look tatty, blacked out grill looks like a pimp ownes it, oh and your main beam lights are hazy and need replacing - also it may be just the picture but passenger side wing looks very patchy - and then theres the boot lid...hmmm

[632 Regal]

Id drive that as a winter beater! Needs a bit of TLC, maybe a coat of wax...or bondo and away you go!

[ukm5]

needs a breakers jard thats what it needs lol

[skr]

come on guys, don't diss the man's vehicle... in it's current state it looks a bit shitty, but with some work and some money things can change dramaticly.

BM-BOY, u realy should replace that trunk lid. probably cheaper than repair(if it can be done properly, wich i seriously doubt). then u should get a chrome grill. then clean those wheels, polish it, wax it ,take some pictures and post em.

[ukm5]

anything can be altered for the better given time/money, but in its current state those are my thoughts, which i believe he asked for
and judging by its looks im guessing the owner/previous owner skimped on other areas, so cant speak for you but its a lemon, why invest time and money in it

[Alexlind123]

A bit cynical, ukm5? I think its probably a great car, with a chrome grill and a new trunk lid it will look good too. Good luck BM-boy.

[genphreak]

Some of us are a bit harsh BM-Boy, thanks for you post and welcome.

For an English car it looks great. In England there is no point cleaning your car cos the whole year round there's **** flying up from the road and crap pissing out of the sky. (That's why they all have headlight washers... so your headlights work when you're driving).

On top of that the traffic pressure is so great keeping your car looking the way nature intended is impossible... plus rust is not a so much a hard fight that turns into a terminal disease, but a rather fast way to die...

All in all if I was in the UK I think I'd be pretty happy w a car like that- a car that fends off the 'touch parkers' with the efficiency of an e34 is a rare beast so these are very practical indeed.

On ya BM-BOY, don't be upset by these posts.. we know you're doing just fine with that black beastie :) GP

[Gayle]

I kind of like its Darth look.

It also has kind of a vibe like it could slide under Harry Potters invisability cloak and react some havoc and then act like nothing happened. :)

So tell us about it. I see that you just joined the board in July. How long have you had the car? What kind of driving do you plan to use it for? What issues does it have? What do you plan to do with it?

[infinity5]

LOL, "lemon".. *snicker*. I mean, if my car had factory rims that were dirty, a dent in the trunk, and had a blacked out grill i'd just throw the thing in the trash.. stupid lemons. man.. and that engine. you can tell by the pictures its a lemon. Hey maybe you guys have a lemon law in your country and you can go to the place you bought it and be like "omg, you sold me a lemon! look at that truck lid! it barely turns on!" I bet, looking from the pictures, the inteior is shot too. a lemon for sure. you know, it kind of looks like it has flood damage. thats certainly grounds for lemon-ness.

hehehehehe.

or well, maybe lemon means "a great car that looks its age" wherever you come from :)

I'm personally jelaous that 1. he has a 535, and 2. its a manual :) The blue body color is great as well. Otherwise the picture qaulity doesn't permit us to really comment on anything.

[McWatters]

Looks find to me, just needs some TLC same thing with my baby. Love the colour tho.

Cheers

J.McWatters

[Randell]

What do you think?

for 350 quid it's excellent! the boot/trunk lid is a bit of a shame, and it's begging for a wash and polish (esp those wheels), and some tire black.. but for the price it's great...

i think chrome grill rings would improve the look significantly..

[ukm5]

is that what he paid £350?? then its definatly a lemon!

[ukm5]

erm hang on a second mines a UK car and its over 16 years old with 200000 miles on the clock and its not a rust bucket, see below, admitantly has had money thrown at it like it was going out of fashion, and yes i have the headlight washers!!

[ukm5]

yeah TLC tender loving crusher lol

[Gayle]

Brits have told me that there is one week of dry wheather in July and it rains the rest of the year. Are we going to have to wait 11 months to see her without the shroud of drizzle?

[ukm5]

we have had the sunny day this year, ull have to wait another year id guess - perhaps he can prop up a sunbed next to it for an alternative sunshine

[SharkmanBMW]

yeah TLC tender loving crusher lol

you're an ass

[uscharalph]

Looks find to me, just needs some TLC same thing with my baby. Love the colour tho.

Cheers

J.McWatters
I agree. You should have seen what mine looked like. I wish I took pictures.

[SharkmanBMW]

is that what he paid £350?? then its definatly a lemon!

you're definitely an ass!

[ukm5]

look pal i live in the UK, a 530 E34 that sells for 350quid that looks in the condition his is, is a pile of junk - yes its nice to welcome new people and be nice to them, but the world isnt a nice place its full of, i quote 'asses' like me
i know the e34 inside out, i know what they retail for and have looked at more UK 34s than i care to remember
now you may look through rose tinted glasses at the pictures but i live in the real world, and if speaking the truth makes me an ass then so be it

[ukm5]

explain then why I am an ass im sure were all ready to hear your views

[infinity5]

well you did call it, or rather imply that it was a rust bucket, and we can't actaully see any rust.. so.. now you're a liar, not an ass. :) rofl. sorry, i'm just kidding around. =D

[ukm5]

well if u learnt to read english then you would read that i didnt call it a rust bucket, in fact made no reference to it being rusty
i was refering to a previous post that said uk cars are rusty

[genphreak]

Personally I like the black grille, but my car is red so it wouldn't work unless I shadowlined the whole thing. Not a bad idea...mmm.

Hey, ukm5 i dunno about the UK, but here in Oz the M cars are almost always properly cared for, less driven and almost never killed (except through less likely natural causes)? I bet that 535s are getting as rare as bears in England by now, not from just rust etc. but from fuel-economy minded owners opting for more efficient vehicles.

[SharkmanBMW]

well if u learnt to read english then ...

there you go again!
it was one thing to make fun of the guy's car ONCE, but you kept on busting his balls, give the guy a break!

[ukm5]

can u read?

[pyro]

wow your turning this into a e36 forum, STOP! Its going to end up like bimmerwrekz :(


well if u learnt to read English then you would read that i didn't call it a rust bucket, in fact made no reference to it being rusty

Like I was taught in school treat others like you want to be treated...


By the way I bought my car NOT WORKING for 1000usd and fixed it now its worth around 4000. Maby he wants to fix it up or mabe he wants a daily driver.

[mattyb]

freehunredanfifdy squid eh. i like it for that money. welcome BMBOY to the united nations e34 board were everybody is trashed equally reagrdless of anything. I think yuove got a good bargain there. id buy one just for bloody parts at that price. Good for u. it wont be to hard for a tidy up. u only need be shamed to HELL if u have had it for a year and done nothing. If nothing else guys if u drove it for a year and trashed it its still good value. we cant all be able to pick up pristine examples and have a spare 20 grand in the bank for a cruiser.

[BM-BOY]

Thanks for ALL your comments, including yours UKM5!!

Yes I did pay £350 for it, but it was off a mate of a mate, who needed cash quickly for a holiday. Prior to him owning it, I beleive it had been stood for over a year, and so could definitely do with some TLC.

The only rust is at the bottom of the drivers door, where I believe is extremely common, and a small spot just below the petrol cap. Yes, the boot lid is an eye-sore, and I do intend to replace it - but I want to find another in the same colour, because I am too poor to get one sprayed!!

As for the grille - the guy I bought it off sprayed it, thinking it looks cool. I dont mind it, but it would look better if the rest of the chrome was blacked out as well...

The photo's were taken up on Dartmoor, and obviously I live in Devon, which is mainly sh1t covered roads, and fields, so it can be quite hard work keeping it clean for longer than 2 days!!

The engine is solid - doesn't smoke/burn oil, still pulls like a train, and sounds like a beast. I have had it up to 140mph, and I can't feel any of this "shimmying" I hear you all talking about...
Interior wise, I don't know what colour you would call the leather - I call it cream, but it does need a clean, but there are no holes, and the drivers seat is barely worn. All electrics work, except the fan, which is either off, or full blast, and the air con, which is the old type, but living in England, I have no need for it! Oh, the instrument cluster is tempramental, and the LKM needs fixing/replacing cos driving at night is like driving in a disco!!

The reason I bought this car originally was because my old car's MOT was running out, and there was no chance it would get through, so I just needed a cheap car, quick.

I've never owned a BMW before, but now I have a 5er, I am hooked!!! I never realised how nice to drive these cars are, and what a wolf in sheeps clothing it is!!! :p

[bullyd]

Thanks for ALL your comments, including yours UKM5!!

Yes I did pay £350 for it, but it was off a mate of a mate, who needed cash quickly for a holiday. Prior to him owning it, I beleive it had been stood for over a year, and so could definitely do with some TLC.

The only rust is at the bottom of the drivers door, where I believe is extremely common, and a small spot just below the petrol cap. Yes, the boot lid is an eye-sore, and I do intend to replace it - but I want to find another in the same colour, because I am too poor to get one sprayed!!

As for the grille - the guy I bought it off sprayed it, thinking it looks cool. I dont mind it, but it would look better if the rest of the chrome was blacked out as well...
h
The photo's were taken up on Dartmoor, and obviously I live in Devon, which is mainly sh1t covered roads, and fields, so it can be quite hard work keeping it clean for longer than 2 days!!

The engine is solid - doesn't smoke/burn oil, still pulls like a train, and sounds like a beast. I have had it up to 140mph, and I can't feel any of this "shimmying" I hear you all talking about...
Interior wise, I don't know what colour you would call the leather - I call it , wcream, but it does need a clean, but there are no holes, and the drivers seat is barely worn. All electrics work, except the fan, which is either off, or full blast, and the air con, which is the old type, but living in England, I have no need for it! Oh, the instrument cluster is tempramental, and the LKM needs fixing/replacing cos driving at night is like driving in a disco!!

The reason I bought this car originally was because my old car's MOT was running out, and there was no chance it would get through, so I just needed a cheap car, quick.

I've never owned a BMW before, but now I have a 5er, I am hooked!!! I never realised how nice to drive these cars are, and what a wolf in sheeps clothing it is!!! :p
1st of all welcome! dont worry bout buyin a lemon as i bought mine with a shot crank as i couldnt afford a spanking one!
i cant tell what colour yours is from the pictures,is she dark blue or black? if its dark blue im going to look at a 5er at the weekend i believe its dark blue!! im just lookin to rip the engine out (and a couple of other bits and pieces)so if you want i can do you the bootlid(if its any good) for the cost of postage as i was just gonna scrap the rest anyways :p

[BM-BOY]

Hey, that would be ideal - mine is dark blue (dunno what BMW call it!!)

[ukm5]

your all missing the point - all you muppets saying i bought mine non running bla bla now its worth 3000 more!!! completely blinkered attitude
this car has a list as long as your arm of things wrong and with these cars that means 1, that its been badly looked after, 2, you will spend more than its worth fixing it, 3 you will be there forever fixing all the issues

[ve39]

Yea man you;v got a good car for a good price if i was in your position i would get this car too

[ukm5]

what do u do for a living ve39?

[SharkmanBMW]

what do u do for a living ve39?

there you go again!!! do you ever give up?
the guy bought it, he will deal with it, hard to go wrong for the price, it is called a project.
Not everyone has your amount of cash (or attitude, thankfully), no need to punish him repeatedly.
As Bill pointed out, nothing he could not easily fix, maybe YOU can't deal with it, but others can.
I spend more than 350$ on a pair of tires, but I have more class than to blast the guy all day long for buying a project.

tell us UKM5, what do YOU do?

[ukm5]

your a tosser sharkman, cant got wrong for the price, your an arsehole if thats what you think, and i work for bmw main dealers, have done for 14 years

[Randell]

i think a thread lock may be in order here, this really is going nowhere ....

[Jon K]

your a tosser sharkman, cant got wrong for the price, your an arsehole if thats what you think, and i work for bmw main dealers, have done for 14 years


Ok so let me get this right...

You worked for a (many perhaps) BMW Dealership... you need not say more about you arrogance. You're the guy telling people that they're '01 328 is "out-dated" and they should look at a new E65. Here's the deal:

You work for BMW for 14 years. You have a rather stock E34. You're new to the board. Your wheels are ugly. 350 for a car that has nothing more than some irritating things wrong is superb. I agree with sharkman, blow it out your ass. PS: if you ever want to compare your cars condition vs. another, hit me up I'll fly mine to the UK you can get real close look, stop your ignorance.

[SharkmanBMW]

your a tosser sharkman, cant got wrong for the price, your an arsehole if thats what you think, and i work for bmw main dealers, have done for 14 years


you are again proving you are as big an ******* as you always have been, you sound like a frustrated little girl who needs her mommy.
It seems that only YOU think it was a mistake to buy the car, only YOU.
Hmmmmm, putz.
I guess we are ALL arseholes, we all think he did a good thing by buying it.
Stop while you are ahead, you are digging your hole deeper with every word.

[SharkmanBMW]

Ok so let me get this right...

You worked for a (many perhaps) BMW Dealership... you need not say more about you arrogance. You're the guy telling people that they're '01 328 is "out-dated" and they should look at a new E65. Here's the deal:

You work for BMW for 14 years. You have a rather stock E34. You're new to the board. Your wheels are ugly. 350 for a car that has nothing more than some irritating things wrong is superb. I agree with sharkman, blow it out your ass. PS: if you ever want to compare your cars condition vs. another, hit me up I'll fly mine to the UK you can get real close look, stop your ignorance.


WOOHOO, thanks!!! I did NOT want to insult his ugly wheels, but since I am not the only one, and he SO deserves it, they are some of the worst e34 wheels I have seen!

Let's create a new poll, who would be friends with a guy like UKM5 if they lived near him, or would you run away as fast as your legs can carry you?!?!?

Now that's an easy one.

[Dave M]

your a tosser sharkman, cant got wrong for the price, your an arsehole if thats what you think, and i work for bmw main dealers, have done for 14 years

Hey,

thought you might help me out. I bought a used e34 a while ago for $8000 Can. and was wondering if its a piece of ****. It seems that others here are unable to tell an apple from a lemon without looking at it, so maybe you can let me know. Or maybe I could call a main dealer and they could tell me over the phone.

Oh, its a black 91 525im with 500,000km on it.

Thanks in advance,

Dave M

[Jon K]

Hey,

thought you might help me out. I bought a used e34 a while ago for $8000 Can. and was wondering if its a piece of ****. It seems that others here are unable to tell an apple from a lemon without looking at it, so maybe you can let me know. Or maybe I could call a main dealer and they could tell me over the phone.

Oh, its a black 91 525im with 500,000km on it.

Thanks in advance,

Dave M

It's a lemon. We're sending a "tower" this afternoon, have it ready.

[Jon K]

http://www.netmgr.co.uk/imgallery/photos/laptop/100_4894.jpg

Looks like you purchased your car as a retired police cruiser. Nice radio. The lack o fa radio probably knocked the purchase price down to like 280EURO, OMG LEM0NZ

[Randell]

this thread is hillarious, but i think some of us are stooping to the same level as ukm5 here ....

have a look at bm-boy's first reply

http://www.bimmer.info/forum/showthread.php?t=13535&page=4&pp=10

this should be candidate for 'bimmer.info forum ethics guideline'

btw, what ever happened to constructive criticism?

[Lennyz525i]

Here's a good thread idea (this will make you feel better BM-Boy). Let's post pics of our E34s the day we bought em... "Now that's some smiles and cries".

I'm looking for mine, which included a completely shot to hell suspension, stock bottle caps with the emblems pealed off, wasted hood and trunk emblems, big ass dent in the rear panel, leaking oil everywhere, ok I don't wanna go on.

[mikell]

If it rides, it's better than walking. Besides, you don't see the exterior panels from the helm. Make it stop, go and turn the best you can before you worry about the curb appeal.

[Jon K]

If it rides, it's better than walking. Besides, you don't see the exterior panels from the helm. Make it stop, go and turn the best you can before you worry about the curb appeal.

Stop it, everyone, stop this. You're all being to sensible.

[pyro]

at least he has a e34 we should be welcoming him to the community not fighting about it... at least he dons't get a Honda civic that has glow in the dark window washers and flashing valve stem covers!! (that add 5 hp)

[liquidtiger720]

Here's a good thread idea (this will make you feel better BM-Boy). Let's post pics of our E34s the day we bought em... "Now that's some smiles and cries".

I'm looking for mine, which included a completely shot to hell suspension, stock bottle caps with the emblems pealed off, wasted hood and trunk emblems, big ass dent in the rear panel, leaking oil everywhere, ok I don't wanna go on.



I would be happy as shitz. Turtle had ~50k miles at the time, not a single dent/ding. Shiny paint, etc etc. CPO baby! Then, of course it was 3 years old...and was still worth ~$25-30k. :D

[ukm5]

if you look at my prev posts, regards in car computers, angel eyes, gauge panels sat nav, fridge, second battery etc etc its hardly stock

[ukm5]

Jealousy my friend, seems lots of people like my wheels man, is that the best you can do?

[ukm5]

arse hole i was in process of fitting extra gauge panel as posted previously and had to remove radio
grow up

[mattyb]

thats bloody nice of u bully. its what the board should all be about, helping ur e34 brother.

[uscharalph]

It seems those pictures aren't all that clear. I'l bet if you used a clay bar on that thing it'd look a lot better. You know if you were in Los Angeles, I'd come over and help.

Between that and a really good cleaning of the wheels....

[Zeuk in Oz]

What do you think?
Welcome to the forum !
Enjoy working on your car and learning as you go ! :)

[bondheli]

Hay BM-BOY welcome! Don't mind ukm5, he's having a bad month. How does your bimmer drive? Is this the first BMW you've driven? Something aint it? Makes you wonder what the heck the other car manufacturers are doing wrong. Well dispite your first experience, this is the best 5 series forum on the net so stick with us.

[BM-BOY]

It was never my intention to cause such friction in the community with just a few crappy pics of my car!!

I don't mind what UKM5 thinks of my car - You have never driven it, and you are assuming it is a bag of nails... Well it probably is compared to yours, but like I said in my previous post, I needed a car ASAP, because the MOT had run out on my old car.

The Bimmer (or the "Shark" as the former keeper liked to call it) was offered to me for £350 and I couldn't turn him down! Just so you know, the guy who used to own it is a fully qualified mechanic, who has owned several BMW's...

One last point - Surely ANY BMW has got to be better than my last car - a Rover Metro 1.1 For you lucky Americans and Australians I have posted a picture of one (Just be thankfull you don't live here, we have loads of CRAP cars)!!!!!!!

[Omega]

your a tosser sharkman, cant got wrong for the price, your an arsehole if thats what you think, and i work for bmw main dealers, have done for 14 years

Hence the reason I either service it myself or take it to an independent...

From one Brit to another, welcome BM-BOY. Ignore the genial musings from dear old UK-M5 and have fun with your new car. If it goes bang, what have you lost? If it doesn't then you've got yourself a good deal :D I paid £3k for my 525 five years ago. Spent nothing on it (other than services) and it still amazes me every time I drive it.


I QUIT, resignation letter

Bye, bye. ta-ta, boo-hoo... What a sad loss to the board. :p

To our "foreign" cousins, please note that even some brits find UKM5 to be a prick....

[mattyb]

ive spent some time there and yeh you do have some **** cars, like that one. theres also a vauxhall we call a camira its a complete piece of ****. but a car is better than no car and the beema is a long way from the metro. u have not been the catalyst for any drama it was all ready on its way. its been a welcome relief and we always, quietly look forward to a good stoush every now and then.The best thing u could do now is polish the 5er and detail the interior and get to us some good pics asap. clean the engine bay and afw pics of that would be good too. so we can see an effort. good luck to you

[Randell]

ive spent some time there and yeh you do have some **** cars, like that one. theres also a vauxhall we call a camira its a complete piece of ****.

if this is the same piece of crap we had in Australia with a holden badge... it was winner of the wheels car of the year 1982, simply for the reason that it was RWD and cheap.. i bet they regret that decision

then again the mitsubishi magna won wheels car of the year in 87 i think! probably the worst car ever after the camira

ps don't ever bother reading wheels magazine

[mattyb]

absolutley right! the magna is a bigga piece of **** than camira. whats entirely wrong is magnas with spoilers and aero kits. makes me fkn sick. no fkn wonder mitsubishi is fingered.

[Incantation]

looks nice.. you need to lower it though