I'm so pizzed at my son

[Mr. BILL]

I got a call from my youngest son two Saturdays ago saying there was "something wrong with the transmission" on my '90 525iA. The tranny was/is slipping. I hoped he was responsible enough to not have abused the car as he's always been respectful of things in the past. The car had sat for several months, so I thought maybe some crud had gotten sucked into the filter. I changed the fluid/filter and no improvement

This past Saturday, my wife let him drive her PT Cruiser as I refused to let him drive my E39 528. He came home and said he had had a flat tire. I went out and looked at it and the sidewall was blown out. That can only mean one thing. So I asked him, "how fast were you going when you hit the curb"? He was stunned that I could figure out what happened. He had my wife fooled.

I found out today, he let a friend take the 525 for a spin on the night the tranny went out. The kid apparently either did the old "neutral slam" or brake torqued it in a attempt to burn a little rubber.

I thought my son was responsible enough to treat a car properly and take care of it. I thought wrong. I never had this problem with my older son. He realized he was pretty lucky to have a BMW as his first car albeit an old E12. Then, I traded him up to the 525 in question and now he's driving a red 525iM.

I'm so disappointed in my younger son. Obviously, he's not mature/responsible enough to enjoy the privledge of driving. So, I've decided to take away the keys for at least six months, maybe a year and make him pay for the tranny repair. I can't help thinking I'm lucky only two cars were damaged. He needs more time to grow up

What honks me off, is how many kids get a BMW as their first car?

[Tiger]

Man... that would pissed me off too...Make him pay for his own car after paying for your tranny and wheel on PT. U gonna support him in college too?

[ilya]

my BMW is my first car, as in the first one that i actually bought.
before this, i drove a 1984 chrysler laser XE. in september of last year (2003), i went out and bought my 1995 525i for a bit under $5000. it has only 105k miles on it as of right now. it's a reconstructed title and i am, i believe, the 4th owner. but im still very happy. i dont drive more than abotu 7-10k miles/year, so i wasn't looking for something that will take heavy driving. i was looking for comfort for those 7-10k miles.
the enterior in my car is in very good shape, even the leather is still good.
the only problems i have with it are some old paint that has chipped off after the ice storm, and the 60mph shimmy. the later one doesn't bother me much cuz i usually go 50 or less, because i do city driving most of the time.
oh and the fuel sender is broken, so i have to go by mileage for gas. lol.
other than that, i love it. i have about $700 in repairs coming up (taht stupid accident i had when my car roleld down the "hill" with me in the house), and might also do some paint work/detailing later on. the fuel sender, trust arms and all that might also be replaced.

[JohnC]

sorry about the car, make him walk for a while. or make him drive like one of those old plymouth caravans or something. how old is he? i was spoiled too got my moms 525 when i got my license. i drove the thing hard and had some fun but never really abused it. -john

[Dan in NZ]

My 525ia is my first car, but I pay for all the repairs/servicing myself so I make sure I look after it. I'm turning 20 soon, so I'm all grown up though... My brother and I shared a 1984 toyota to learn on, and thrashed the **** out of it...

[Will308]

I feel your pain. I've had my '91, 525ia since new and have come to love this car. I gave it to my daughter as her first car while see was in high school. She( like your older son) was very responsible with it. She now has a Jetta and I'm driving the 525 as my commuter car until my son reaches driving age. I hope he can be as resposible as she was. Fortunately or unfortunately the only problem with my daughter was her speeding. Of course I got the blame for giving her a fast car. Go figure!
Will

[Rory]

I got a call from my youngest son two Saturdays ago saying there was "something wrong with the transmission" on my '90 525iA. The tranny was/is slipping. I hoped he was responsible enough to not have abused the car as he's always been respectful of things in the past. The car had sat for several months, so I thought maybe some crud had gotten sucked into the filter. I changed the fluid/filter and no improvement

This past Saturday, my wife let him drive her PT Cruiser as I refused to let him drive my E39 528. He came home and said he had had a flat tire. I went out and looked at it and the sidewall was blown out. That can only mean one thing. So I asked him, "how fast were you going when you hit the curb"? He was stunned that I could figure out what happened. He had my wife fooled.

I found out today, he let a friend take the 525 for a spin on the night the tranny went out. The kid apparently either did the old "neutral slam" or brake torqued it in a attempt to burn a little rubber.

I thought my son was responsible enough to treat a car properly and take care of it. I thought wrong. I never had this problem with my older son. He realized he was pretty lucky to have a BMW as his first car albeit an old E12. Then, I traded him up to the 525 in question and now he's driving a red 525iM.

I'm so disappointed in my younger son. Obviously, he's not mature/responsible enough to enjoy the privledge of driving. So, I've decided to take away the keys for at least six months, maybe a year and make him pay for the tranny repair. I can't help thinking I'm lucky only two cars were damaged. He needs more time to grow up

What honks me off, is how many kids get a BMW as their first car?
Bill,

I drove my Mom's Jeep when I was in HS and bought my first car in college to get to/from my co-op job my sophmore year. It was a '90 525i with 110K miles (back in '97). So my first car was a BMW that I bought for myself. Kids will be kids and they are going to make mistakes, it is part of life. Just be glad that it was not a costly mistake. Yes, financially this was not the best move, but your son is safe and healthy and hopefully learned a big lesson. I know that you are disappointed in him and you should be, but think about all of the other things that kids do on a daily basis. Speeding at insane speeds, wreckless driving, drugs, etc. If this is the worst thing that he is going to do then give yourself a pat on the back for raising a great kid. Keep the shiny side up.

Best,
Rory

[bjl4776]

Don't feel so bad, i knew a girl at my high school that got a brand new dodge viper the day she turned 16. Two weeks later she totalled it by flipping it end over end. Dont know if that was too much responsibitly given by the parents, but ouch. I think she was driving a mercedes a couple months later, i hate to wonder what ever happened to that car. Hopes this makes you less pissed at your son :).

[hdaemon]

Don't feel so bad, i knew a girl at my high school that got a brand new dodge viper the day she turned 16. Two weeks later she totalled it by flipping it end over end. Dont know if that was too much responsibitly given by the parents, but ouch. I think she was driving a mercedes a couple months later, i hate to wonder what ever happened to that car. Hopes this makes you less pissed at your son :).

Ok.. no offense to any high-schoolers on here, but someone who has just gotten there license has no business whatsoever getting behind the wheel of a viper. She's damn lucky she didn't get herself killed. Not to mention that kids like that piss me off... or rather, parents like that piss me off... give your kids the keys to the family car on occasion.. but make them work for their own car... I know I did..

[Bill H.]

you tough love example. Another, Bill H. :)

[jplacson]

If you plan to give your kids cars like that without proper training... I sure hope you include a loaded gun in the glove box to complete the package! That's just irresponisible of the parents. Most capable adults can't handle that much car!

I'm not saying to give your kids the crappiest thing you can buy... hell, when I have a kid and I have the money... I'd gladly give him/her an M3... AFTER he/she takes SERIOUS driving classes... and I'm not talking about a 1-day crash (pun intended) course. Who knows... they might grow up to be BMW race car drivers! :)

[Sardaukar]

I'm 17 and last April I picked up my first (and only) car, a 1994 BMW 530i (manual) for $4700 with 143k miles on the clock and nikasil block replaced/engine rebuild around 100k or so. I did pay for the car myself, I borrowed a grand from my dad but paid him back in 2 months (40 hour weeks at wendy's =( ) .

I honestly think that if you let your child work for something, they will respect it much more. All service, insurance, expenses period is paid for by me on my car and I treat it well. I have never been pulled over and consider myself a safe, if sometimes a bit quick, driver.

Before I could really take the car out, my dad made sure I was comfortable driving a manual tranny car that was also RWD. So whether it seems like it or not, make your child work for it and they will be very thankful in the end =)

[Phil M]

Im 17 as well and I cant agree more. I worked my balls off in school for my 94 540iA. $8500 (orig asking for $11000) with 118k (78k on block), Schwarz II on onyx black leather and also made sure of the ASC option because I was a bit uncomfortable knowing of driving a RWD in the upcoming winter. Anyway, my dad gave me a set amt of money to spend on a car and it was my choice on what car I wanted. No way in hell I was gonna get a stereotypical SUV (but I did look at a few Range Rovers) or some 'weak-statement' Honda or Toyota.

No way in hell I would do anything to abuse or disrespect my car. Hell I even talk to her almost every morning! But I do admit to driving a bit over the limit, but hey.. who doesnt do that in our cars? I love my car and take as much care of her as possible.

I admit that I will probably never be able to own anything other than a BMW or Mercedes.. at least nothing domestic. First impressions are somethin else..

[James]

My first car Was an e21 320i, this was 3 years ago, I abused her prettty good, she was a tough old goat though, The abuse subsided when my mom made me pay for my Insurance, and repairs.

[Mr. BILL]

Rory,

Thanks for the thoughtful words. I agree completely.

[Mr. BILL]

Wise words from a young man.

I had made him wait six months before I let him drive on his own. I considered him a good driver and I think he is. What I didn't expect was, his falling victim to peer pressure ala showing off or letting someone else drive. And although I provided him with a car, he's responsible for the care and maintainance.

I figured a 525iA was a good choice because it's safe and fairly slow off the line at least.

[Mr. BILL]

Thanks

[TheGeak]

My first BMW was the first car i purchased with my OWN money. Well, technically it was the 2nd, the first was an '85 Toyota Tercel that was STOLEN! (only paid $200 for it, so i didn't really care) So the bimmer was my first REAL investment. I was 19 at the time and had my dad co-sign a $11k loan so i could pick up my Sterlingsilber on Black M5.

And yes, i romp on the car. Its something people do. YES it was very irresponsible for him to let people drive his car in an abusive manner. And yes, he definately deserves to be punished. But remember, he IS only a kid, and kids make mistakes. The important thing is that they LEARN from their mistakes so they don't repeat them.

Cheers,
Jason

[George M]

kinda with the Geak on this one...he is only a kid. A few Dad's out there that have lost a son would love to be in your shoes....and its only an f-ing car even if it is an old BMW. I used to reiff on my Dad's cars...what a lot of kids do....and he was very forgiving about it. Personally I would cut your son a break, give him a hug and figure out how to pay for it...maybe pull the trans out with your son and share some time together.
He probably won't do it again,
George

[TimGinCentralNJ]

...I can't only image how mad I'd be in your shoes. I also hope you don't mind my saying that it's refreshing to hear that there are still parents out there who discipline their kids. I'm 35, but I swear I was 17 only a moment ago...honest! While my folks were great providers, they taught us the value of a dollar, and what the difference between a "right" and an "earned priviledge" was. We've all screwed up and done dumb things like take our mom's blazer field stomping, (only to get it stuck) but we learned our lesson because someone cared enough to teach us one one, rather than turning a blind eye and dismissing it as "kids will be kids", which seems to be the norm now. Even my fiancee's 18 year old brother exemplifies "Generation Y"...total punk, disrespectful to his parents, of his car, and anyone who doesn't let him do what he wants. Hell, I don't even know how many times he's wrecked his folks' Acura when he's borrowed it...they just keep payin' for the damage, and lettin' him use it whenever he wants. No lesson learned. Besides, he's even got his own car he could be wrecking instead.

So, anyway...it's been my personal growth experience that kids come into that realism of "responsibility" at different times. Without them screwing up here and there, you'd have no way of knowing when they're not quite ready for some of life's luxuries (like a BMW) which you've bestowed upon them. Stick to your guns...let your son cool-off for a few months and see what happens when your trust is broken. Your son will turn out a better as a result. And damn, you're a cool dad providing a bimmer as a first car...are you adopting? :)

Thanks for the bandwidth,
Tim G.


I got a call from my youngest son two Saturdays ago saying there was "something wrong with the transmission" on my '90 525iA. The tranny was/is slipping. I hoped he was responsible enough to not have abused the car as he's always been respectful of things in the past. The car had sat for several months, so I thought maybe some crud had gotten sucked into the filter. I changed the fluid/filter and no improvement

This past Saturday, my wife let him drive her PT Cruiser as I refused to let him drive my E39 528. He came home and said he had had a flat tire. I went out and looked at it and the sidewall was blown out. That can only mean one thing. So I asked him, "how fast were you going when you hit the curb"? He was stunned that I could figure out what happened. He had my wife fooled.

I found out today, he let a friend take the 525 for a spin on the night the tranny went out. The kid apparently either did the old "neutral slam" or brake torqued it in a attempt to burn a little rubber.

I thought my son was responsible enough to treat a car properly and take care of it. I thought wrong. I never had this problem with my older son. He realized he was pretty lucky to have a BMW as his first car albeit an old E12. Then, I traded him up to the 525 in question and now he's driving a red 525iM.

I'm so disappointed in my younger son. Obviously, he's not mature/responsible enough to enjoy the privledge of driving. So, I've decided to take away the keys for at least six months, maybe a year and make him pay for the tranny repair. I can't help thinking I'm lucky only two cars were damaged. He needs more time to grow up

What honks me off, is how many kids get a BMW as their first car?

[Mr. BILL]

Well Said!

[Mr. BILL]

Thanks for the supporive wordsTim. It's not always easy teaching the hard lesson. But when I was growing up, those were the ones that stayed with me. I'm glad my Dad was strong enough to be firm but fair. That's what I strive to do too.

[Sardaukar]

Of course noone can tell you how to raise your son, but from this 17 year olds point of view it might be in his best interest to pay you for all the damage done. With that done, I think it might be best if he buys his own car, regardless of make, and learns to manage his own finances and set priorities when it comes to spending etc. Just my 0.02

[ryan roopnarine]

but have you had somebody run the tranny computer yet, or is your mechanic SURE that the internals are broken.

[Mr. BILL]

Can you do that on a '90 525?

[ryan roopnarine]

as you said it is an IA, trans program can mean several things, not just defective internals......i would think that the tranny would have to be in reallll bad shape for a single brake-burnout (neutral drop might be a diff story) to kill it....it will save one of you some money to find out exactly what it is. they hook to the diagnostic conn. that all e34s have, and can tell you why the car is throwing back TRANS prog.

[632 Regal]

as you said it is an IA, trans program can mean several things, not just defective internals......i would think that the tranny would have to be in reallll bad shape for a single brake-burnout (neutral drop might be a diff story) to kill it....it will save one of you some money to find out exactly what it is. they hook to the diagnostic conn. that all e34s have, and can tell you why the car is throwing back TRANS prog.

[Mr. BILL]

thanks for the suggestion. The kid did in fact do the old neutral slam. I'll take it in and have it shecked.

Thanks a million, well hopefully a couple thousand.lol

If I'm lucky and it isn't toast. I still won't let him grive it for a long time.

[DarrPara]

I was a lucky kid who recieved my first car when I turned about 17. It was the current 1991 535i I have now. My dad taught me to drive stick on it and after that I was free to go. I do not pay insurance. Within 2 months I got into an accident while speeding. The damage was not bad just a dented front left fender area.

I had to work off every penny removing cedar trees on our property.

Let me tell you.. after that I was quick to slow down.

Also taking the keys away will not fix the problem. You have to make him work that money off doing jobs for you.

[Unregistered]

I neutral bombed my 89 525iA and paid for the new tranny. $2000 is quite a bit of cash. :(

[Mr. BILL]

I agree, part two is he's going to pay for the repair.

[winfred]

$2000 for a m20 525 good god, about a year ago we bought one from the dealer for a e32 735 for a good customer and it was only $1300, we don't get that much of a discount, 4hp's just don't cost that much


I neutral bombed my 89 525iA and paid for the new tranny. $2000 is quite a bit of cash. :(