*****March 8th OT Thread******

[DaCan23]

What would be my reward for digitzing the Bentley Manual?

[NovceGuru]

Nothing, its already been done ;)

[632 Regal]

I just dropped a paperclip.

[dacoyote]

What would be my reward for digitzing the Bentley Manual?

Wanta copy?

[dacoyote]

I just dropped a paperclip.

Pick that stuff up boy.... hate for someone to trip over it..

[DaCan23]

Uh sure


Wanta copy?

[dacoyote]

Uh sure

Like your confidence man...

[Erwin8r]

Uh sure
Can I get one too?

[632 Regal]

So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.


#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh . did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop!."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn'tthink we give pretty women tickets? .... You're right,
we don't. ... Sign here."

[632 Regal]

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most
romantic first line but least romantic second line....

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you, cause I was pissed.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel, your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag, off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you, screwed up my life.

I see your face, when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away,
What have you stepped in, to smell this way.

My feelings for you, no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

[632 Regal]

> Computer Error
>
> I was having trouble with my computer.
> So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over.
> Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
> He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
>
> As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what
> was wrong?"
> He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
> I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
> "An ID ten T error? What's that in case I need to fix it again?"
>
> Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
> before?"
>
> "No," I replied.
>
> "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
>
> So I wrote down I D 1 0 T
>
> I used to like Harold.