OT how much did your first ex cost you?

[632 Regal]

how much did your first ex cost you?

Mines runnin over the 250k mark so far. good thing we get along now.

[e39dream]

27 and never married.

I never get laid and the house is always dirty- but at least my money (or lack of) is mine.

[ironie]

15 years and counting of trying to keep her from ****ing up my kid...
The money I never counted. That would just be insult to injury

[Milkboot]

Dont think its up to 250k, but everyonce in a while i get suckerd in to going out and doing somthign with her, and force of habbit takes over and i end up paying for everything.

*lays his head on the bimmer hood* now this girl, she lubbs me, and whatever baby wants, baby gets! ;)

[rickm]

10k. No kid though. Gave her a car (subie 4x4 wagon, I should have kept that thing) and a room of new furniture. At the time I was making a lot more than she was, we got along ok but the rings changed everything. Helped her move, paid for her apt down payment then paid off her car. Still got along great until she met some other guy.

Had a coworker who chewed up a lot of $$$$ with his lawyer when he split. Fought over everything "over principal". yeah, I'm gonna pay some guy 250/hr to fight over 70 in silverware? I don't think so.

[filip00]

not married, i'm 21yo :)

[genphreak]

how much did your first ex cost you?

Mines runnin over the 250k mark so far. good thing we get along now.My first ex was an e28, she was pretty cheap to look after... haven't paid a cent since, but the younger model I traded her for is certainly a 'high maintenance' type. :D

I know the money is tough, but if you end up with a good Son (I'm sure he'll work out just fine) that's all that counts.

However for those that fret over the behavious of the their ex's, be comforted by the fact that a kid only needs one decent parent to grow up well-balanced. All they need is the contrast- intelligence does the rest. :) Nick

[BlueM60]

Im unmarried, dating a woman 10 years my senior, shes quite well off so were in pretty good shape :)

-Ben

[Jon K]

Sad hearing how much money people cost when they want to break up - its really just depressing that people can't just part ways and leave things as is.

[rufryder]

Got married (e39) 3 months ago, weigh 52k miles....she's good to me so far.
As for the wife, welll... that's a whole another expensive story!

[semiretired]

how much did your first ex cost you?

Mines runnin over the 250k mark so far. good thing we get along now.

$165K and counting.

[spyrot1]

Divorce? whats that...? been married 10 years and counting, and will stay that way no matter what happens... worked too dam hard to loose half my money now.

Besides... divorce always screws up the kids.

[rickm]

Besides... divorce always screws up the kids.

It doesn't have to though. I know two couples who are splitting up right now. One couple is very open about it and lets everyone know they hate each other. Even the kid knows and has blamed herself for it. They both say "oh, the other parent ignores the kid" but they both call me at least 3x/wk looking for playtime for their daughter "because they have something else to do".

The other couple? Until the wife told me I would have never known. The kid has been splitting time between parents and when the kid is with either parent the parent spends time with the kid. The kid is much happier now than before.

We never hear both sides of the story with these cases either.

[brosher]

Well I just bought a ring so 8k and counting. :D

[spyrot1]

It doesn't have to though. I know two couples who are splitting up right now. One couple is very open about it and lets everyone know they hate each other. Even the kid knows and has blamed herself for it. They both say "oh, the other parent ignores the kid" but they both call me at least 3x/wk looking for playtime for their daughter "because they have something else to do".

The other couple? Until the wife told me I would have never known. The kid has been splitting time between parents and when the kid is with either parent the parent spends time with the kid. The kid is much happier now than before.

We never hear both sides of the story with these cases either.

It's funny, because half my friends come from broken homes and they were definately screwed up because of it, some admit it and some don't.

Of course if you positively can't live with your mate, then by all means get out, but the kids will usually suffer because of it (of course there are exceptions).

[632 Regal]

Google BPD

mine started 6 months after my son was born...she quit work to be a stay at home mom...golden key. My atty snoozed and I got served first, went for custody 2 times, she put him on concerta (ritalin) and he developed ITP a blood platelet disorder and stopped drugging him.

she now vents (violently fights) on her new husband which is "so much more of a man than I ever was" he used to beat Sal and I told Sal to tell him I am going to kill him. Much more of a man I have not seen at all since...oh we exchange custody at a police station because of her violence. (BPD) I guess to be more of a man than I was has to be the fact that he hits her back when they fight. Better she directs it at him than Sal or me.

The court ordered visitation (24 hrs 1 day on the weekend) (nice for having joint physical and med) is over and I get him fri-sun and had him the whole summer for her convenience.

Going through all of this he is a very strong boy, being like a twin to me he understands his mothers problems and spending addiction.
I have his ITP under control thanks to Dr Ming: http://www.tcmtreatment.com/
no symptoms in 3 months ie: daily uncontrollable nosebleeds. MD's want to remove his spleen, hasnt been back to them in over a year.

anyways, I could ramble on this crap all day.

[spyrot1]

Google BPD

mine started 6 months after my son was born...she quit work to be a stay at home mom...golden key. My atty snoozed and I got served first, went for custody 2 times, she put him on concerta (ritalin) and he developed ITP a blood platelet disorder and stopped drugging him.

she now vents (violently fights) on her new husband which is "so much more of a man than I ever was" he used to beat Sal and I told Sal to tell him I am going to kill him. Much more of a man I have not seen at all since...oh we exchange custody at a police station because of her violence. (BPD) I guess to be more of a man than I was has to be the fact that he hits her back when they fight. Better she directs it at him than Sal or me.

The court ordered visitation (24 hrs 1 day on the weekend) (nice for having joint physical and med) is over and I get him fri-sun and had him the whole summer for her convenience.

Going through all of this he is a very strong boy, being like a twin to me he understands his mothers problems and spending addiction.
I have his ITP under control thanks to Dr Ming: http://www.tcmtreatment.com/
no symptoms in 3 months ie: daily uncontrollable nosebleeds. MD's want to remove his spleen, hasnt been back to them in over a year.

anyways, I could ramble on this crap all day.

Sorry to hear it... divorce is tough on everyone, and the kids usually get the worst of it.

[Booster]

Well I just bought a ring so 8k and counting. :D

I've never been divorced. SO the 12 grand engagement ring that my first fiance took with her to pawn for a down payment on her BMW was cheap I guess. She was a cheating,self absorbed ,prima donna.:(
I'm 44 and have watched every friend I have go through awful divorces.I've had to be involved whether I wanted too or not.
What part of "until death do us part" do adults today NOT get ??If they can't hold to their word......WHY get married ?
Divorce attourneys are SATAN on earth,IMHO.;)
..............V'

[filip00]

prenup rules? :)

[DaveVoorhis]

First ex cost me a home and my Ford Bronco.

Next time, I'm just gonna find a woman who hates me and buy her a house.

[Wes F]

Sad hearing how much money people cost when they want to break up - its really just depressing that people can't just part ways and leave things as is.

Totally agree with ya here, problem is tell that to all those money hungry biatches out there that want it all. I never understood alimony payments - I mean why the hell should a spouse (man or woman) be entitled to monthly payments for the rest of thier lives based upon their ex's income and "standard of living" during the time they were married? If you marry someone with money, you're getting an added "bonus" for being with them. If you leave them, you also leave that "bonus." That's like getting a job that comes with certain benefits, then upon leaving that job expecting those benefits to continue. Frekin retarded. Prenumps are where it's at.

[Traian]

Google BPD

mine started 6 months after my son was born...she quit work to be a stay at home mom...golden key. My atty snoozed and I got served first, went for custody 2 times, she put him on concerta (ritalin) and he developed ITP a blood platelet disorder and stopped drugging him.

she now vents (violently fights) on her new husband which is "so much more of a man than I ever was" he used to beat Sal and I told Sal to tell him I am going to kill him. Much more of a man I have not seen at all since...oh we exchange custody at a police station because of her violence. (BPD) I guess to be more of a man than I was has to be the fact that he hits her back when they fight. Better she directs it at him than Sal or me.

The court ordered visitation (24 hrs 1 day on the weekend) (nice for having joint physical and med) is over and I get him fri-sun and had him the whole summer for her convenience.

Going through all of this he is a very strong boy, being like a twin to me he understands his mothers problems and spending addiction.
I have his ITP under control thanks to Dr Ming: http://www.tcmtreatment.com/
no symptoms in 3 months ie: daily uncontrollable nosebleeds. MD's want to remove his spleen, hasnt been back to them in over a year.

anyways, I could ramble on this crap all day.

Wow, that is pretty messed up, at least he's getting to the age where he can fend for himself so no more of that BS is going happen.

[WillDV]

What part of "until death do us part" do adults today NOT get ??If they can't hold to their word......WHY get married ?
Divorce attourneys are SATAN on earth,IMHO.;)
..............V'

spyrot1
Divorce? whats that...? been married 10 years and counting, and will stay that way no matter what happens... worked too dam hard to loose half my money now.

Besides... divorce always screws up the kids.



big +1 to both of you guys. IMO, the second a person has children, the marriage now has to put the children FIRST. Unless the marriage is damaging the children I feel that the parents responsibility is to stick together for the kids. After the kids get old enough to understand how life works, THEN you can do what you have to, but who knows sometimes making it work for the kids can bring out another side to someone that makes you love them for different reasons than you first married them for.

[Martin in Bellevue]

My wife's niece has a saying, "So yor parents are together, what's that like?"

[Mitch90535im]

I'm somewhere in the $230-$240K range, but it's just money, who's counting. Worth every frigging penny.

[genphreak]

Keep it up Jeff, you're managing this like a champ. Sal will be free of her before he knows it, perhaps even sooner when she finds life easier without him, especially if her condition gets worse... and on top of that her ties to him will loosen as he gets older. Its harder for any parent to let go any when one is talking about a young boy as opposed to a young man... he'll handle it, if things get too bad he'll know when to ask for help if he needs it. Good luck Jeff. Life will get better... I expect the e31 was a sign from the Gods! :) Nick

[Digita1 Ecstasy]

Google BPD

mine started 6 months after my son was born...she quit work to be a stay at home mom...golden key. My atty snoozed and I got served first, went for custody 2 times, she put him on concerta (ritalin) and he developed ITP a blood platelet disorder and stopped drugging him.

she now vents (violently fights) on her new husband which is "so much more of a man than I ever was" he used to beat Sal and I told Sal to tell him I am going to kill him. Much more of a man I have not seen at all since...oh we exchange custody at a police station because of her violence. (BPD) I guess to be more of a man than I was has to be the fact that he hits her back when they fight. Better she directs it at him than Sal or me.

The court ordered visitation (24 hrs 1 day on the weekend) (nice for having joint physical and med) is over and I get him fri-sun and had him the whole summer for her convenience.

Going through all of this he is a very strong boy, being like a twin to me he understands his mothers problems and spending addiction.
I have his ITP under control thanks to Dr Ming: http://www.tcmtreatment.com/
no symptoms in 3 months ie: daily uncontrollable nosebleeds. MD's want to remove his spleen, hasnt been back to them in over a year.

anyways, I could ramble on this crap all day.


BPD ruined my relationship too. I heard it from an online friend, read alot about it and it described my girlfriend too well. When I showed her the info she freaked out. Blamed me for having it. Said we could never talk again. Not as sad as your story. Being involved intimetly with someone that has BPD is very frustrating, dealing with their temper tantrums and emotional mood swings can wear out anyone. So I hear ya on that note.


Anyway i think its time to go drink some beer.

[CharlesAFerg]

BPD

lol... Wow. Dude, wow.

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

is just as expensive...But with divorce you pay & someone else is poking em.

[Digita1 Ecstasy]

While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.5 These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad, or unworthy. They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.

People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all


= BPD

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

stop using lithium grease?

[632 Regal]

exactly, not something for anyone to live with. I decided on a splitup so that my boy wouldnt have to live in that sort of environment. I knew she would move to somewhere that she would be with other people and that would cool the temper as she didnt explode as much as when alone with one person as it was.

really, you guys that look at the "do best for the children" need to look up BPD after you do you will realize that it is not a good position to be against.

I have done the very most I could have for my son. He has suffered greatly through this and finally she has re-aimed her anger at her current family leaving me and my son arguement/violence free for a couple years.


= BPD

[bigtisas]

The way I avoid divorce is not getting married. I live with a woman and our child. If we split up, I'll give up half of the house. That's it.

[mattyb]

how the fk does it cost $250k. ive never been there comarade jeff but how does it get to be that much

[John B.]

My first divorce only cost me $250.00 as my ex & I split the $500.00 lawyer bill. The second one included kids/house & was considerably more expensive. Wife 3 & I are quite happy, sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right.

[Mitch90535im]

how the fk does it cost $250k. ive never been there comarade jeff but how does it get to be that much

Well, I was counting child support at 18K plus per year for 10 years, so maybe child support isn't fair to include in the number.

[632 Regal]

if it was court awarded it is fair to include
Well, I was counting child support at 18K plus per year for 10 years, so maybe child support isn't fair to include in the number.

[632 Regal]

how the fk does it cost $250k. ive never been there comarade jeff but how does it get to be that much

Rather easy Matty, 99.9% of divorse cases award the woman 99.9% of your crap. Double this figure if there is a child involved (yes you will have to give her MORE than everything you own!). You also get the alimony for the "poor" woman along with any and all assets you own weather prior or during the marriage, as in any business you may have purchased and paid for prior to marriage. If you want to keep your business you will have to buy it from the poor woman. You get to pay full medical including pregnancy for X amount of years, alimony for the poor woman that just had a windfall of cash. You get the honor of paying her attorney fees, any and all medical fees. If you play your cards right, you can keep about $5000 and a car which if you choose to you can pay your 'new accrued' bills with. If you want to keep your house which I did you will have to pay much much more than it cost to buy it in the first place. I owe more on my house now (8 years after) than the day I bought it (and that was with my own money).

[Spasso]

how the fk does it cost $250k. ive never been there comarade jeff but how does it get to be that much
NEVER get married or divorced in a "Community Law" state or you can end up paying out MORE than your monthly gross according to law, based on pro-rated charts and lawyering (the only winners) .
Because of extenuating false pretenses my marriage was annulled, (wife was Catholic), so technically it never exisited hence no claims to what meager assets I had in the first place.

That was in 1990. Single happy and free ever since.

[winfred]

so what you are saying is a good supply of rubbers and hooker is the way to go :)


Rather easy Matty, 99.9% of divorse cases award the woman 99.9% of your crap. Double this figure if there is a child involved (yes you will have to give her MORE than everything you own!). You also get the alimony for the "poor" woman along with any and all assets you own weather prior or during the marriage, as in any business you may have purchased and paid for prior to marriage. If you want to keep your business you will have to buy it from the poor woman. You get to pay full medical including pregnancy for X amount of years, alimony for the poor woman that just had a windfall of cash. You get the honor of paying her attorney fees, any and all medical fees. If you play your cards right, you can keep about $5000 and a car which if you choose to you can pay your 'new accrued' bills with. If you want to keep your house which I did you will have to pay much much more than it cost to buy it in the first place. I owe more on my house now (8 years after) than the day I bought it (and that was with my own money).

[Mitch90535im]

if it was court awarded it is fair to include

Right, but I don't begrudge a .01 of child support. I figure it is my duty as a parent to support my children and I don't have much use for deadbeat dads (or mothers). .