OT; Hyperbole and car for sale ads

[Ross]

After my daily perusal of the car ads I'm amused as usual by the ******** some sellers try to use to persuade.
Hey, this car is low mileage because it has only been driven six thousand miles per year. For the past twenty years!
Or the littany of recent maintenance(read repair due to lack of) that is expected to add value.
How about the ones that admit to needing work, but it's only a fifty dollar repair. We just need a new mini-van.
Some are priceless in how stupid they imagine their prospects to be.
What are some of the golden ones you guys have read??

[repenttokyo]

i like the ones where people try to sell you on the prestige of owning a mercedes, even one that is 25 years old, because it "still has that MB quality, style, and luxury" at 400 000 miles.

[gale]

How to Interpret Classified Ads:

Rough condition = Too bad to lie about
Parts car = Beyond repair
Immaculate = Recently washed
Concours = Recently waxed
Engine quiet = (if you use 90-weight oil)
Needs minor overhaul = Needs engine
Needs major overhaul = Phone the junkyard
Burns no oil = It all leaks out
Rebuilt engine = Cleaned the spark plugs
Drive it away = I live on a hill
Drive it anywhere = (within 10 miles)
Desirable classic = No one wants it
Rare classic = No one wanted it even when it was new
Stored 20 years = (in a farmer's field)
Ran when stored = Won't start
Never apart = Bolts too rounded to loosen
Solid as a rock = Rusted solid
Restored, with 0 miles = Won't start
Restored, with 2 miles = Won't stay running
Older restoration = First owner washed it
Good investment = Can't be worth much less
No time to restore = Can't get parts
95% complete = Other 5% doesn't exist
Other conficting interests = Spouse's ultimatum: "Either that #!!@&## thing goes or I go!"
Doesn't smoke = (when it's out of oil)
New slick racing tires = I burned the tread down to the belts
Re-upholstered = New K-mart seat covers and floor mats
Major performance upgrades = Slid a new exhaust tip on the tailpipe
Kept in garage = The scratches are from my cat
Pampered/adult driven = I'm 17 and I think it's about to die
Complete restoration = New Earl Scheib paint job
New paint = Don't let it get wet
Sporty = It's got a floor shifter
Family car = There's still food under the seats
Good school/work car = More dents than a golf ball
Sacrifice for $xx = I can't believe I paid $xx for it myself
Lots of extras = Everything that fell off/out is in the trunk
Quiet engine = You can't hear it over the broken headers
Traction control = Starts moving only in 2nd gear
Race modified = It's got Japanese stickers on the back window
Exotic = It leaves a funny taste in your mouth
Precision machined = I used a degreaser
FAST! = Faster than my mom's Geo

[Ross]

"More dents than a golfball". That's so good !
"Highway miles = owner commutes to Uranus" Pete Egan