OT dealing with bullies

[632 Regal]

background:

Sal is 10 years old and in 4th grade.
he has ITP a blood disorder (low platelets) where he can bleed to death, hit his head and have a stroke etc.
he has severe nosebleeds in school witnessed by said bullies.
he has been hospitalized 3 times in the past couple months for this problem.

His princpal has labeled Sal as a trouble maker.
threatened to kick him out of school for writing on bathroom walls and other behavior issues.
me and the principal are NOT good friends.
Sal also got in trouble for spraying cologne on the school bus (a lot if I know my son) and almost was suspended by the bus driver.

a few weeks ago someone pushed him off the bus and he fell but did not hit his head. kid started kicking him until Sal ran to his mothers house. Mother went to bullies house and no problems since. No bus driver report on bully.

Yesterday 2 black brothers ganged up on him in the bus and started hitting him in the head with some hard rubber object. They are both bigger than Sal and in 5th and 6th grade. Sal pushed the thing away a few times and then the kid swung very hard and cracked him in the cheek. They then asked if it hurt... Sal just sat there and said "no"... nice

Principal is of no help and bus driver did not report it even though she saw what was going on. Sal can't fight back for 2 reasons: he will be expelled and 2 if he dont drop the bullie on the first shot he could get seriously hurt or killed.

what to do? Mother wants to go to bullies house, I told her to explain Sals medical issue and then say that now that they officially know, if it happens again that she will call the cops, file a complaint for assault & battery with the intent to murder. I would personally visit bullies parent but am afraid of getting angry and losing my cool...and doing something that I will regret.

what would you do?

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

a kid pulled a knife on one of my boys.

School called the cops.

School suspended the boy. boy shows up at the school bus stop next day

We had to follow up from all ends, we had a conferences with the VP = warm fuzzy do nothing.

Contacted the boy's mom and met her at a neutral place (restaurant) to discuss and settle the issue.

We had to also follow up with the police on the report and if they would be referring it to the prosecutor or not.

In the end the boy changed schools, since my son was on the football team and the whole event turned that boy into a target by the football team and the parents.

I’d let the school know about Sal’s situation in writing via registered return receipt and CC. the board of Ed.

Try to get the parents of the other boys to meet either at school or other neutral place with you.

[stargazer_61]

...Mother wants to go to bullies house, I told her to explain Sals medical issue and then say that now that they officially know, if it happens again that she will call the cops, file a complaint for assault & battery with the intent to murder. I would personally visit bullies parent but am afraid of getting angry and losing my cool...and doing something that I will regret.

what would you do?

Jeff,

This is a reasonable approach to the issue with the bullies, and shows your son that talking can work better than fighting, especially with his low platelet condition. Calm and cool will definitely work better than anger, so let her go and do her thing.

As for the bus driver and the school principal, you may have to go higher up to the superintendent to get some action, as it seems that Sal is being singled out. Do this personally if you can, both you and his mother, putting on a united front. Talk and form a strategy and contingency before you go. You may have to threaten the school district with a liability lawsuit, but hopefully it won't come to that, as it will only make matters worse for Sal. Inform them that the bus driver is being negligent in his/her duty to maintain order on that bus and if they cannot do their job then he/she needs to be replaced.

Good luck and I hope it works out well for your son's benefit.

John

[Ross]

An attorney ought to be able to put the fear of God into the principal for not seeing to the safety of his pupils, he will also advise you about what issues the police may or may not persue.
I'm happy not to have children that have to deal with this ****ed up world.
I hope it works out well for Sal.

[Macv]

I'm under 18, give me the pricks address....


****ed up world

No kidding. If Sal were my brother, I'd tackle the little **** and take my year in juvy.

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

14, 12 & 5 ( my very own wrecking crew)

We can use my 5 year old as bait (he swears like an old sailor and is used to standing up to older kids) and when they go after him, the 12 & 14 yearolds will jump in to pummle the little booger eaters.

[Macv]

We can use my 5 year old as bait (he swears like an old sailor and is used to standing up to older kids) and when they go after him, the 12 & 14 yearolds will jump in to pummle the little booger eaters.

The planning is what will send you to jail sadly.....:D

[markus]

if it were my kid id make sure to tell the cops and let the other parents and principal known you have filed a report. if the **** keeps up then talk to a lawyer.

also id be weary if the kids are trouble makers, then their parents probly arent much better.

[The Bigfella]

I'd sure as hell be reminding the school and the bus company about their duty of care obligations.

I'd also be having a chat or two to Sal about the consequences of his actions. What he did got the principal and bus driver offside in the first place - which doesn't excuse subsequent behaviour - but that's the way the world works.

People who piss others off all the time don't end up winning in life

[632 Regal]

Sals bad behavior exsists from a subconsious lashing out from his mothers selfish actions again, the kid will be moving to another home and school next season. This is 6 moves since she took him out of my home (fall 1998). Sal is very worried about a new school and all this bully crap and his fears are well founded. I have done all I can to have him stay here but that BPD of his mothers gets in the way, she lives for the child support and will not walk away from it. If you understood the BPD issue than you would know what I am talking about. I have fought this several times with 4 attornies and spent a lot of money but the courts will allow an unstable mother with mental disorders to do what she wants, drug the kid on ritalin, move as often as she wants, hit, beat and abuse people in the sight of my son, put the kid in a closet and call it a room etc etc... He is a good kid that is really trying to have his mother love him but she doesn't and that really bothers him, he does not have the capability yet to realize that he is just a pawn for money and nothing more in her eyes.


I'd sure as hell be reminding the school and the bus company about their duty of care obligations.

I'd also be having a chat or two to Sal about the consequences of his actions. What he did got the principal and bus driver offside in the first place - which doesn't excuse subsequent behaviour - but that's the way the world works.

People who piss others off all the time don't end up winning in life

[genphreak]

Jeff can you cut a deal wth her where you pay the child support to her by getting a loan? A few years of those outgoings might be better than dealing with the trouble coming from all this.

I (and most of us here) can hardly imagine what it must be like for you but perhaps if you tell her you want to send him to a good school for the next few years and like having him around. Maybe she could do with the freedom to do something else anyhow, and could have him every now and then so long as he gets to school, etc. It might cost a bit but it might make all the difference for Sal now.

The other thing is that changing schools is not as bad as it seems, it often helps kids to learn social skills and concentrate on study too (don't ask how I know)- not that my social skills are that good...

The violence/influence issue is a big worry, perhaps a year on this kind of regime will seem like a good idea to the (ex) other half and that is another year for Sal to be stable.

In terms of resolving things wit the parents/principal/bus driver, you have more than enough intelligence/analytical skills to do it without losing it even if they are as terrible as they probably sound- empathy stops you blowing your top and is not something completely lost on limited fools. Kids know more about adults than we ever credit them for, if they see you solve a problem by overcoming one of your own, it makes a BIG impression on them... and Sal has so many things yet to learn from you. The very best of luck with all this crap... Nick

[filip00]

I'm under 18,


so you're younger than i am and you drive a faster car? biatch! :D




2 jeff - well, make Sal pack some heat with him next time :D

[Tiger]

I feel bad for your situation. I kinda understand your situation. I know it would cost alot of money to send your kid to private school if you could... perhaps this method would better prepare your kid for future.

[Macv]

so you're younger than i am and you drive a faster car? biatch!

Ehh.. it happens.

[Jon K]

Just explain that there used to be these kids on Sals bus but they were hitting him and pestering him until he could no longer bear it, and now those boys don't come around anymore and no one has seem them for years.

[mattyb]

move to australia!

[The Bigfella]

My cousins' ex is moving to America as soon as her son turns 12 - so she can get away from him - and I don't blame her. He has to win at all costs - but he's losing the kids from both failed marriages in the long run - they hate him.

Mate - you've got a tough one there, but kids are resilient and want to love their parents. Your job is to equip him for the future.

[Incantation]

let the mother go there and do her thing.. sounds like the most sensible choice

and tell sal to smarten up

[632 Regal]

mom went there and the dad was not happy to hear what his boys did. Sal says he saw them in the halway and they gave him a dirty look but didnt say anything to him. As he gets older I dont think mom will be able to keep up with 'bigger' kids and that bothers me. I dont know if she told them that we will prosecute next time or not.


let the mother go there and do her thing.. sounds like the most sensible choice

and tell sal to smarten up

[rickm]

If she talked to the parents and made some headway, good. I would make sure the school has his medical condition documented. That way if there is a problem you can remind the school that they know about it.

You might also consider placing him in a private school. My daughter attends one (has since pre school) and they have few problems. The kids who are there aren't there because "they have to be" - most want to be there. No fights at all in the 2 years she's been there and no one has been suspended. There are some cons but the pros outweigh them.

[Dave M]

mom went there and the dad was not happy to hear what his boys did. Sal says he saw them in the halway and they gave him a dirty look but didnt say anything to him. As he gets older I dont think mom will be able to keep up with 'bigger' kids and that bothers me. I dont know if she told them that we will prosecute next time or not.

Glad it seems to be working its way out, many parents don't react well to critisism, constructive or otherwise, of their children. Hopefully the bullies will grow up fast/learn from this and Sal can forget about it. I was picked on a fair bit as a kid and sometimes wonder what happened to the bullies.

Probably driving a sunfire :D

Dave

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

wonder what happened to the bullies.

Probably driving a sunfire :D

Dave

Most of the ones I knew, either ended up dead, or in jail. but one or two turned into auto sales managers as adults and continued to bully others..

[632 Regal]

it starts all over next fall at a new school. I'm hoping his mother lax a bit and lets him just stay here. he only is there on school days as is and if he was here I could drive the kid and I am available at a moments notice vs mom who doesn't answer her phone when he gets nose bleeds etc.

the critisism is great and exactly what I want, I'm an insider looking out.

I was also picked on a bit but until high school it was mostly on the walk to and from school. Highschool...another story. I put many hours the summer of 10th grade hitting the weights and bags, suddenly the bullies didnt want to pick on me anymore. go figure

[Blitzkrieg Bob]

I was also picked on a bit but until high school it was mostly on the walk to and from school. Highschool...another story. I put many hours the summer of 10th grade hitting the weights and bags, suddenly the bullies didnt want to pick on me anymore. go figure

And they all would duck when I go in my trunk for something

[JoeS]

I am not sure of the degree in which Sal can engage to defend himself,
but a good defense can help.

Enroll him in tae kwon do lessions. Dodging punches, blocking punches with books and using your opponents positon to their disadvantage is key to not getting hurt.

plus once other kids know he knows how to defend himself, picking on him just is not at fun away more.

I was a small kid for my age and got picked on. I took tae kwon do for two years in the 5th and 6th 7th grade. Then once i adminstired my first ass kicking, i was left alone for the remainder of jr. high and high school.



background:

Sal is 10 years old and in 4th grade.
he has ITP a blood disorder (low platelets) where he can bleed to death, hit his head and have a stroke etc.
he has severe nosebleeds in school witnessed by said bullies.
he has been hospitalized 3 times in the past couple months for this problem.

His princpal has labeled Sal as a trouble maker.
threatened to kick him out of school for writing on bathroom walls and other behavior issues.
me and the principal are NOT good friends.
Sal also got in trouble for spraying cologne on the school bus (a lot if I know my son) and almost was suspended by the bus driver.

a few weeks ago someone pushed him off the bus and he fell but did not hit his head. kid started kicking him until Sal ran to his mothers house. Mother went to bullies house and no problems since. No bus driver report on bully.

Yesterday 2 black brothers ganged up on him in the bus and started hitting him in the head with some hard rubber object. They are both bigger than Sal and in 5th and 6th grade. Sal pushed the thing away a few times and then the kid swung very hard and cracked him in the cheek. They then asked if it hurt... Sal just sat there and said "no"... nice

Principal is of no help and bus driver did not report it even though she saw what was going on. Sal can't fight back for 2 reasons: he will be expelled and 2 if he dont drop the bullie on the first shot he could get seriously hurt or killed.

what to do? Mother wants to go to bullies house, I told her to explain Sals medical issue and then say that now that they officially know, if it happens again that she will call the cops, file a complaint for assault & battery with the intent to murder. I would personally visit bullies parent but am afraid of getting angry and losing my cool...and doing something that I will regret.

what would you do?

[632 Regal]

Excellent idea but at the low level of his platelets >20K even simple things like fast movement could be bad. If he can climb at least to 80 I will enroll him on the condition that the instructer fully understands the illness and would credit low platelet days.


I am not sure of the degree in which Sal can engage to defend himself,
but a good defense can help.

Enroll him in tae kwon do lessions. Dodging punches, blocking punches with books and using your opponents positon to their disadvantage is key to not getting hurt.

plus once other kids know he knows how to defend himself, picking on him just is not at fun away more.

I was a small kid for my age and got picked on. I took tae kwon do for two years in the 5th and 6th 7th grade. Then once i adminstired my first ass kicking, i was left alone for the remainder of jr. high and high school.

[winfred]

yea jr high really sucked till i discovered the *******s didn't like getting kicked in the nuts (which seemed to only work a couple days, but another kick usually did the trick for the rest of the week, guess they forgot), then i got all large and nasty and it wasn't really a problem in high school, and now at 6'2" 275 i can't remember the last time someone started some **** :D



I was also picked on a bit but until high school it was mostly on the walk to and from school. Highschool...another story. I put many hours the summer of 10th grade hitting the weights and bags, suddenly the bullies didnt want to pick on me anymore. go figure

[rickm]

yea jr high really sucked till i discovered the *******s didn't like getting kicked in the nuts (which seemed to only work a couple days, but another kick usually did the trick for the rest of the week, guess they forgot)

I gave my daughter the ok to kick someone in the nuts if they didn't leave her alone. Earlier this year the class bully (he's a big kid, parents are kinda screwed up) was trying to look up her dress while she was on the swing (she was 7). She got off the swing and nailed him in the shins with her "**** kickers" (riding boots). He quit messing with her but we did get a call from her teacher after she said "daddy told me to do that if he bothered me". Woops. :)