((((((((((((((((((((((((december jokez))))))))))))))))))))

[winfred]

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives.

After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes.

Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, 'Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!'

The engaged woman giggled and said, 'That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!

The married woman put her glass down and said, 'I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask, ready for action.

When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'

[BMW4LIFE]

nice one!

hahaha

[ryan roopnarine]

the world's oldest cat macro/lolcat, from 1905

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j251/smithflatfender/delayingmydinner.jpg

[ArnZ!]

lmao

[winfred]

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

[mikell]

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work––including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule––our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories––Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests––they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented "France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

[ryan roopnarine]

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

"Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work––including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule––our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking."

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated "The US only had two major victories––Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren't influenced by head-to-head contests––they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event."

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said "Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks." Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn 'style points' to enhance Germany's rankings. Hitler protested "Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces."

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented "France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2."

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.



you suck, i just logged on here to post the above....:D

[whiskychaser]

These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the U.K. (Allegedly)

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink that is coming away from the wall..
7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
9. Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother...50% of the walls are damp,50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
10. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
12. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
14. Would you please send a man to repair my spout, I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road very morning at 5am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. … and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
24. That is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

[winfred]

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.

Deer Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell, you little retard. Santa

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? God damned hippies. You get a toy gun. Santa

Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a real favor? Leave me a bottle of eighteen year old scotch and a seventeen year old girl. Santa

Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give up that piece of tight little Latino ass, just to come back to your frigid alcoholic mother? It's time to give up that dream, kid. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa

Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're a little gay homo. I'll set you up with a Barbie, you fag. Santa

Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. But when I'm not defiling teenage runaways on film, I unwind by drinking myself silly, squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table, and doing enough pure Columbian blow to kill a rhinoceros. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa

Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do and let me know if you're ever in Vegas. But know that I'm skipping your house this year. Santa

Dear Santa, I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy, That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. Man up, you little bitch. You're getting a sweater, again. Santa

Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark, First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex because that's all your crack-whore of a mother can afford. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa

[Ross]

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. But when I'm not defiling teenage runaways on film, I unwind by drinking myself silly, squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table, and doing enough pure Columbian blow to kill a rhinoceros. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa

Winfred, you F@#%&$ I can't stop laughing

[Ross]

WalMart Greeter

A very loud, extremely unattractive (when you look up BEAST in the
dictionary, her picture is right there), nasty, mean-spirited woman
walked into WalMart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them as
they made their way from the parking lot into the store.

The elderly WalMart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good morning, and welcome
to WalMart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no! They ain't
twins!
The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think
they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just
couldn't believe someone would ever **** you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at WalMart

[attack eagle]

that's a bloody good one there.

[gale]

Be careful what you get your wife or girlfriend this Christmas:

http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=5e32d548

[mikell]

Sounds like the old boy's gone off his meds - must have socialized healthcare.

[GJPinAU]

One Maori says to another: "hey bro, what's a Hindu?"






The second Maori replies "lays eggs bro"

[GJPinAU]

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
"That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. ; "A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth, can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?

[winfred]

A Louisiana businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.
He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except the Voodoo Penis!'
The husband said 'The what?'
The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis.'
The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband immediately bought it. He took it home to his wife, and after the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.'
The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.
Her husband had neglected to tell her how to send it back to its box!
So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink, officer. You see, I've got a Voodoo Penis stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!'

The rest, as they say, is history.

[winfred]

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effor t you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick.'

[winfred]

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'

The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply.

'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

[ryan roopnarine]

(http://www.ar15.com/member/member.html?id=104205) http://www.ar15.com/images/pixels/clear.gif


They've found a way to recycle used tampons.


















Tea bags for Vampires

[winfred]

my balls are cold
http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/11/26/427251/truck/snow%20truck1.jpg
http://www.fileden.com/files/2006/11/26/427251/truck/cold%20balls.jpg

[califblue]

Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."


His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."


The man says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."

[pgrindstaff]

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all
Use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice
heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have
Started and have never finished.'

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished,

and before leaving the house this morning,

I finished a bottle of Merlot,

a bottle of Zinfandel,

a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream,

a bottle of Kailua ,

a package of Oreos,
The remainder of my old Prozac prescription,

the rest of the cheesecake,
Some Doritos,

and

a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.

[632 Regal]

An 80 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relation-ship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"Oh my God!" exclaims Ethel. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[gale]

Little Johnny

Uncle Billy got Little Johnny an electric guitar for Christmas. Later, when the whole family got together to celebrate, Uncle Billy asked Johnny how he liked his present. Little Johnny said "It's the best present I ever got". Uncle Billy asked Johnny if he had learned how to play it yet. "No, mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it in the daytime and dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night!"

[632 Regal]

Broccoli Casserole



A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.

Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'.

The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face.

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!'

Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!'

[ryan roopnarine]

A Norwegian fella wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'

'Without numbers?' The Norwegian says, 'Dat's easy.' and proceeds to draw three trees.



'What's this?' the boss asks.

'Vot! you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Norwegian.

'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'

The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. 'Dar ya go.'



The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'

'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, 'All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'

The Norwegian fella stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Dar ya go. Von hundred.'



The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'

The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and pooped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, vich makes von hundred.'
'So, ven do I start?

[KevinGoFast]

Heh. That's rad stuff.

[winfred]

December 8

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ******* is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry f#%&ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in the idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[winfred]

Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex ?
"Tarzan not know sex" he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said "Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified Jane said, " Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. "Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed "
What did you do that for ?"
Tarzan replied, " Just checking for squirrel..."