whiskychaser
05-22-2009, 02:48 PM
Job description:
Must be able to shout 'Here here!' or 'Shame' as required
(Do not be concerned - you will be told when and what to shout)
Must be able to walk through one of two doors
(Do not be concerned - you will be told when and which door to walk through)
Remuneration package
A generous remuneration package is offered.
Expenses
(Note: these must not be referred to as 'perks')
All expenses are tax free and not subject to UK laws on theft and fraud.
1. Second house allowance
It is preferable but not essential that the house exists. The fact that it may be occupied by a friend or relative does not invalidate your claim. You may still claim the monthly mortgage payments even if the mortgage has been paid up and you actually have no outlay
1.a If you and your spouse are both employed, you can 'double up' by each claiming for the same property
2. Running expenses
a. There is no requirement to provide receipts. Accounts dept actively discourage this practise
b. 1. When claiming for low value items eg toilets seats, these must be purchased in lots of 2 or 3
b.2. All TVs must be of 'plasma' type and min screen size of 36" (a ruler is available)
c. The successful candidate must be able to demonstrate creativity when claiming expenses. The following are examples but the list is not exhaustive:
2.c.1 Cleaning the moat
2.c.2 Creating an island habitat for ducks
2.c.3 Tending to 100 trees
Policy:
In the highly unlikely event that expenses are questioned, the policy requires you answer as follows (in order):
1. Claims are strictly in accordance with 'the rules'
2. It is a simple accounting error and/or oversight
3. It appalling (NB. This does not relate to the expenses claim, but the query)
Should none of the above bring about the appropriate results, you may wish to claim you are suicidal. A paid psychiatrist is on hand to confirm this should you feel the need
Job Title?
You tell me.....If you are in the UK you know already and will have your applications in
None of the above is ficticious. But the job title has been withheld to protect the innocent
Must be able to shout 'Here here!' or 'Shame' as required
(Do not be concerned - you will be told when and what to shout)
Must be able to walk through one of two doors
(Do not be concerned - you will be told when and which door to walk through)
Remuneration package
A generous remuneration package is offered.
Expenses
(Note: these must not be referred to as 'perks')
All expenses are tax free and not subject to UK laws on theft and fraud.
1. Second house allowance
It is preferable but not essential that the house exists. The fact that it may be occupied by a friend or relative does not invalidate your claim. You may still claim the monthly mortgage payments even if the mortgage has been paid up and you actually have no outlay
1.a If you and your spouse are both employed, you can 'double up' by each claiming for the same property
2. Running expenses
a. There is no requirement to provide receipts. Accounts dept actively discourage this practise
b. 1. When claiming for low value items eg toilets seats, these must be purchased in lots of 2 or 3
b.2. All TVs must be of 'plasma' type and min screen size of 36" (a ruler is available)
c. The successful candidate must be able to demonstrate creativity when claiming expenses. The following are examples but the list is not exhaustive:
2.c.1 Cleaning the moat
2.c.2 Creating an island habitat for ducks
2.c.3 Tending to 100 trees
Policy:
In the highly unlikely event that expenses are questioned, the policy requires you answer as follows (in order):
1. Claims are strictly in accordance with 'the rules'
2. It is a simple accounting error and/or oversight
3. It appalling (NB. This does not relate to the expenses claim, but the query)
Should none of the above bring about the appropriate results, you may wish to claim you are suicidal. A paid psychiatrist is on hand to confirm this should you feel the need
Job Title?
You tell me.....If you are in the UK you know already and will have your applications in
None of the above is ficticious. But the job title has been withheld to protect the innocent