April joke thread(revival time!)

[Barney Paull-Edwards]

The wife walks in and says" wanna see a crumpled $50?" You bet. She fumbles into her bra and pulls out a fifty.
Wanna see a crumpled $100 she whispers seductively? You bet he says with a glint. She reaches under her skirt and pulls out a $100, he is riveted. Wanna see $75000 crumpled? she says with a seductive grin, sure he grunts.
Well go look at the M3.

[632 Regal]

8016

[mattyb]

why do women have faces?

so u know which cxxx is yors!

[genphreak]

Two old Italian dudes meet over coffee in the village:

After exchanging greetings and settling down.

Says Luigi to Mario: "Mario, do you like your women to have big butts?"
Mario: "Luigi, No! I don't like fat women at all"
Luigi: "Ohhhh."
Pause
Luigi: "Mario, but you like big breasts, surely"?
Mario: (firmly) "My friend, I don't like fat women!!!"
Luigi looks at the sky. Shortly he turns to Luigi, looking him in the eye: "So why are you f#$%^ my wife for, eh?"

[632 Regal]

Who in the F^$% is Winfred?

[Barney Paull-Edwards]

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.

He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other :



The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger.



Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.



The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy!

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity.
He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

'Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

'He bested me at every move and I could not continue!'

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won.
'I don't have a clue!!!' the Rabbi said.

'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

'Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here.'

'And then what?' asked a woman.

'Who knows...' said the Rabbi, 'He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!'