**********April Joke Thread**********

[winfred]

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."

[Zeuk in Oz]

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all

been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
******** and ass kissing that will put you over the top.

[dacoyote]

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all

.....

For what it's worth...

Teamwork gets you 106% :-)

[winfred]

****ing off still gets you 97%

For what it's worth...

Teamwork gets you 106% :-)

[dacoyote]

****ing off still gets you 97%

I do that a lot....

[winfred]

Woman: Would you get married again if I died?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
Man: (audible groan)
Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.
Woman: (silence)
Man: ****.

[winfred]

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing
at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her
complaint to a supervisor of sexual harassment in the personnel
department and states that she wants to write a grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks,
"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."

[angrypancake]

I do that a lot....

m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-i-o-n =
13+1+19+20+21+18+2+1+20+9+15+14= 153

[632 Regal]

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd
been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the
house and asked her,

"Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are in the same
room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but
decided to tell him the truth.

"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and
play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said
angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!
And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you"!!

[dacoyote]

m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-i-o-n =
13+1+19+20+21+18+2+1+20+9+15+14= 153

n/c