Ot

[632 Regal]

Roger was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

Patti was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to
find a gift in the driveway that when I step on it, will go from 0 to
200 in less than 6 seconds .

The next morning Roger got up early and left for work. When Patti woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-
wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the
box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom
scale.

no one reads the jokes anymore

[Macv]

Haha, good stuff.

[zygoteer]

.... no one reads the jokes anymore

now I know why !

[saj3n]

Lol

[bbig119]

wow...as funny as that is. It'll give me nightmares about what would happen if I actually tried that one.

[632 Regal]

lol

Heed this warning. Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall!

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He

approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whisky and women with big ****."

[632 Regal]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in
the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could
manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? ... I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided
splint, and taped it all together; ... an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes
on their honeymoon.

That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her
beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched
these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies,
....."Look at this, ...still in the CRATE!

[GJPinAU]

ROTFLMAO.
I hope I didn't send this to you.

[Qube]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in
the crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could
manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? ... I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way"

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it
heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided
splint, and taped it all together; ... an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes
on their honeymoon.

That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her
beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched
these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies,
....."Look at this, ...still in the CRATE!

This is the BEST one of the lot Now change the thread for July jokes... it's close enough!

[GJPinAU]

Dictionary *For Womens' Personal Ads *
40-ish.............................49
Adventurous ........... Slept *with everyone
Athletic...............................No*boobs
Average *looking...................Ugly
Beautiful.......................... Pathological*liar
Contagious Smile.................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure..............On medication
Feminist.............................Fat
Free *spirit...........................Junkie
Fun.......................Annoying
New-Age....................Body *hair in the wrong *places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded......................Desperate
Outgoing.... ....................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.......................Sloppy drunk
Voluptuous.......................Very Fat
Large frame......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate..................Stalker


WOMEN'S *ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes**
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want.
5. I am *sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in *trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do *what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not *upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're *certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think *about?

MEN'S *ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am *hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired *= I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I *love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want *to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have *sex with you!
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to *have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd *like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to *dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think *those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay