Hahaha...that's pretty funny. I feel you on the paint issues, though - you should see what my car looks like. Unfortunately, I think my paint's as bad as it is due to sitting under a bunch of oak trees and the tannins eating away at it....maybe someone with a better chemistry background can confirm or shoot down my theory, accordingly.
The stealership doesn't like to do things for free, so I'd be very surprised if, after ~14 years, one would be able to get a paint job out of them.
Good luck, though!